WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?
Goal Setting Exercise to Create a Clear Vision for Success
What do you want to get out of your life?
It’s such a simple question, but the answer isn’t always straightforward.
Getting fit, doing well on a presentation, wanting to make more money, improving our health, mastering a craft, excelling in a career, completing a degree, winning a championship, and finding a life partner are all examples of common goals.
Our first task in this goal setting exercise, is to get extremely clear and focused about what we want for our lives. The first thing we need to do for ourselves when we start coming up with a wish list of goals is to be completely honest about what we want. This may sound easier than it actually is because notions about what we think we should want, or what we think others want for us, can interfere and sneak their way onto our lists.
If we want a happy, fulfilled life, it’s important to be as honest as possible about what we really want deep down inside and not be influenced by what others might think.
In other words, what do you wish for when you blow out the candles on a birthday cake, find a four-leaf clover or daydream about seeing in your life?
Step 1: Create Your List of Wants
Now that you’re starting to get clear about what you want, you’re ready to take the first step. Go ahead now. Grab a piece of paper and write down anything that you want that comes to mind. These can be things you want to have and can also go beyond that to deeper desires of your heart. Try using the following list of questions if you need a little inspiration:
What are some things you want?
What are some things you want to do?
Is there work that inspires you?
What adventures do you want to go on?
Are there things you want to achieve?
What things do you want to see happen in your life?
How do you want to feel?
What excites you?
What’s important to you?
What will help you feel good about who you are?
Who do you want to be for yourself and to those around you?
Hopefully these questions spurred some creative ideas.
As you identify your goals and write them down, it’s important to make sure you leave them somewhere you will see them on a regular basis. Once you’ve gone through all the steps, put your list on a wall, or a door, or the top of a computer screen—anywhere that stands out and will catch your eye on a daily basis. This is a powerful way to stay clear and focused on what’s important and what you’re trying to achieve. It also helps you avoid unnecessary distractions.
Step 2: Reframe What You Want into Positively Stated Goals
Now that you have your list of wants, you’ll need to take a few more simple steps to exponentially increase their effectiveness and your chances of making them a reality. This includes the second step, reframe what you want into positively stated goals.
The first thing I do when someone is looking for help with something is to ask them exactly what they want in the situation. I’ll usually clarify by asking follow-up questions, until we get what they want framed into a positive, actionable statement. The reason for this is to get our energy and actions focused on the outcomes we want, rather than the situations we’re trying to avoid.
We start using our minds in a more powerful way by reframing our negatively stated goals into positively stated goals. When the negative version of what we want is the first thing to come to mind, then we’ll be better served to reframe it into the positive. For example, “I never want to be unprepared again,” becomes “I want to ensure I’m always fully prepared.” Continuing in this vein, a positive version of “I don’t want to fail my exam,” would be “I want to get a good grade on my exam.” “I don’t want to end up without any friends,” could be restated as “I want to have several good friendships.” “I don’t want to fail in my marriage,” would become “I want to succeed in my marriage.” “I don’t want to be so out of shape” would be positively framed as “I want to get into good shape,” and “I don’t want to get fired,” would be more effectively focused on what we want to achieve as “I want to excel at my job.”
Let’s quickly tackle any negatively stated goals we may have on our lists of wants now by reframing them into positively stated goals as per above. Go through your lists now and circle any goals that start with “I never,” I don’t,” etc. Rewrite each circled one now as a positively stated goal and cross the old negative versions off your list.
Done? If so, you’ve officially acquired a new skill. Once you’ve completed this step, you can now say you are able to transform negatives into positives.
Step 3: Get Clear and Specific About What You Want
Once we have reframed our goals into the positive, our third step is to get clear and specific. What exactly do we need to do to achieve our goals and overall vision of success?
We now take each of the positively stated goals on our list and elaborate on them to make sure they are both clear and specific. For example, “I want to do well in school,” could be expanded to “I want to maintain a GPA of 3.5 or above in all my courses this semester.” In this case, we’re spelling out exactly what “doing well” would mean and what specific result we’re looking for.
Similarly, we would need to drill down further into a goal like “I want to ace my presentation.” What would this look like? Our second attempt might end up as, “I want to communicate my four main ideas, speak passionately about my topic, and know my material so I can answer any question from the audience.”
Continuing through our list of goals, “I want to get into shape,” would be clearer and more specific as, “I want to lose ten pounds of fat and gain five pounds of muscle by the end of the year.” Finally, “I want to excel at my job,” could be restated as “I want to efficiently complete all my tasks before deadlines, produce high-quality work, and get along well with team members.”
Take a moment now to expand upon each of the positively stated goals you have already written down and ensure they are all also clear and specific.
Step 4: What Are You Going To Do About It?
Now that we have some positively stated goals that are both specific and clear, our fourth step is to dive into exactly what we’re going to do about it? We need some concrete things that we will do to make our goals a reality. In other words, your goals need actions!
Our goals are only a dream until decisive actions are taken to make them a reality. What are the first steps and actions you will take?
List at least one action you will do for each goal is a good place to start. Write down each action underneath each of your goals now.
Step 5: The “Yeah, But How Much Do You Want It?” Test
We’ve come a long way, but there is one more important thing to find out: how much do we want each of our goals? Our fifth (and final) step of this goal setting process is to review our list of goals and to do a desire test. We need to make sure that we have strong emotion behind each of our goals or we won’t get far.
First, let’s pause for a moment and summarize what we have done so far. We have decided what we want for ourselves and now have positively stated goals that are clear and specifically worded. We have also listed out at least three reasonable actions we will take to help each of our goals to become a reality.
It’s important to mention at this point that yes, it’s extremely helpful to write down clear and positively stated goals and actions on how we’ll achieve them. They won’t have much value if there isn’t strong DESIRE behind them. In other words, making sure we really want each goal will provide us with the high-octane motivation needed to follow through and do what we said we would in order to make them happen. So, it’s gut check time. After reading each one, ask yourself, “Yeah, but how much do I want this?”
At this point we’re looking for a visceral emotional response:
Is this goal important to you?
Can you emotionally feel how much you want your goal to become a reality?
Where in your body do you feel it? Does it make you feel energized?
Are you willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen, even if it means persevering through difficult periods where you might feel like giving up?
If you can answer YES to these questions and feel how much you want your goals to become a reality, then you’re well on your way!
Your Master List of Goals = Your Life Vision
This concludes our goal setting exercise. You now have a Master List of Goals that are positively stated, clear, and specific and that have concrete actions tied to them. You also have strong desire for each of them to happen. This is everything you’ll need to begin. In fact, by creating this list, you have already begun.
All the positive goals you have written down now collectively start to become your VISION for your life. You know what you want, where you are going, and what you need to do to get there. Most importantly, you have also packed enough fuel—in the form of strong desire—to ensure you don’t run out of energy before reaching your goals and achieving your Life Vision!